"..... Someone save me if you will
And take away all these pills
And please just save me if you can
From my blasphemy in my wasteland......"
wad does one do.....?
if the whole world is conspiring against you...?
your very own stop trusting you...?
start doubting your every move and intention...?
you don't know what to to do...!
where to go or whom to trust...!!
and keep asking yourself one simple question over and over again.."...
why me...?!?!"
There are times when i have like slashing my wrists or jst swallowing a bottle of pills.... but there is this force or a presence around me that prevents me from doing so every time i take the initiative ....
I don't know what it is though..?
is it cowardice?
is it fear?
or is it my sanity?
There was a time when i used to mock and laugh at those who had these suicidical tendencies....
cause i always believed in fighting for everything in life and never give up....
but little did i know what was in store for me...
This new year had itself started with a boom... Waking up to a scene out of a ekta kapoor serial was not funny... di getting lashed by uncle... to screwing up my boards... to being back stabbed by my very own... and now solitude... it doesnot take a genius to guess what a screwed up year this is going to be...
...And that is when i ask...."...
why me...?"
..."...what did i do to deserve this...?"
And then i start wondering is it the victory of the feeling of a failure or courage.... that has resulted in so many cases of suicide...
I surely can't take it anymore.... i seem to have lost confidence and the mere will to survive... Is it me or is the world and other bodies plotting to get rid of me....??
But bearing all these thoughts i cant get myself to commit to such a heinous crime....
I just can't get myself to do it... the pathetic state of my parents and my dear old brother keeping flashing before my eyes... even though they seem to be so unfair and un co-operative and distrustful... in the end of the day they are my family... the only thing thats left for me... i can neither seem to live nor live without them.....
what should i do now..?
where is it that life is taking me..?
what should i expect out of life....?
is it doom...?
or will my life take a fairy tale turn and have my prince kiss all my sorrows and suffering good bye.... ?
"....The slate will soon be clean
I'll erase the memories
To start again with somebody new
Was it all wasted
All that love? ...
I hang my head and I advertise
A soul for sale or rent
I have no heart I am cold inside
I have no real intent
Save me save me save me
I cant face this life alone
Save me save me save me...
I am naked and I am far from home......."
